As you may have noticed, I have not posted anything the last two weeks. I have been dealing, almost twenty-four/seven, with a family crisis. On April 14th, my ninety year old Aunt Ruth fell, fracturing her wrist and hip. She never had children; I am her closest relative. Ruth is my mother’s younger sister. When my mother received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis in 1989, my aunt and I were really the people who took care of her. That brought us a lot closer.
Both my Aunt Ruth and her husband, my Uncle Norm, functioned as surrogate grandparents for my two sons since my father died before I ever had children and my mother, who died in 1999, had Alzheimer’s. My uncle died in 2009.
When I read over what I have just written, there is a lot of loss reflected. That is probably why I am determined to help my aunt make as full a recovery as possible. I am not ready to let her go yet.
April has turned out to contain the circle of life – from birth to old age to death. Luckily no one has died but my cat who is anywhere from 20 to 25 years old has lung cancer and may not live much longer.
Bella is a rescue cat; friends of ours found her running back and forth on a major highway near where I live. We named her after my mother, Beatrice. Bella is a calico and has always been very pretty. Even now when her coat does not have the same shine, she is still good looking. Bella is a diva, somewhat clumsy and often mischievous. We haven’t always gotten along. As long as my oldest son, Louis was at home, she was his cat. Once he left Bella switched her allegiance to my husband, Aaron, probably because he feeds her.
Because we had to fly to Florida suddenly, we boarded the cat at the vet. While there, Bella stopped eating, so the doctor put in a catheter, took an x-ray which showed her tumor has calcified and put her on prednisone. This, obviously, resulted in a huge bill, which is not really the point.
When the vet first told us about Bella’s cancer, I though we had all agreed on letting her die peacefully, providing only comfort measures. As a nurse, who has watched many people die, I think it is important for any individual and their family to be clear about what they want to have happen as death nears.
With my aunt, both the hospital and the rehabilitation facility inquired about whether or not she had a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order. My aunt doesn’t have a DNR, but she does have a Living Will which specifies what her wishes are. As far as Bella goes, she can’t tell us what she wants so we have to decide for her.
I have had so much stress that Bella must have decided I needed some more. When Aaron brought her home from the vet she urinated in the carrier and it leaked onto the seat. This happened Friday; the smell has finally faded today. At first, I was tempted to buy a new car, but I realized that was an over reaction Since I don’t want to cry, I will have to laugh about this.
Amidst all the crises and illness, there has also been joy. On April 8, Nina, who is my cousin and like a daughter to me, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Judah. On Saturday we drove to Beverly and met Judah which gave me so much pleasure. I got to hold him and feed the baby a bottle. I couldn’t have asked for a better antidote to my stress. Judah is a gift to the whole family.
If you lead a full life, you will encounter both great happiness and immense sorrow. The past few weeks has taught me that lesson, again.