Meghan Markle and Me

I didn’t watch the Oprah Winfrey interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. That doesn’t stop me from having an opinion on the subject. At first, when I read about Meghan’s claim that she hadn’t googled anything about Harry or royal life, I was incredulous. Hadn’t she ever read or saw anything about Princess Diana?

Yesterday I read The Anti-Racism Daily  entitled, “Believe Black Woman.” The Daily is a newsletter curated by Nicole Cardoza. She started it in the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder. One of her points was about colorism. “Colorism is the reason why Meghan Markle was likely even able to marry Prince Harry and be considered part of the family to begin with. She experienced this violence because she was ‘white enough’ to be included and still ‘too black’ to be loved, respected and projected.

The part of the Meghan-Harry interview that has been the most sensational is Meghan’s claim that members of the extended Royal Family were concerned that Archie, their child, might be too dark. I recently read Nella Larsen’s Passing. One of the most heartbreaking scenes in the book occurs when three light skinned African American women are discussing giving birth. Two of the women are passing; both had deep anxiety about what color their children would be.

If you take away the fact that Meghan was marrying into royalty and instead look at the situation as a case of a woman marrying for love and putting the man’s interests ahead of her own, you have a typical story of the choices women usually make.

When I got married and moved to Massachusetts, that act seemed like a no-brainer to me. After all my husband had secured a teaching position and we were married. I never thought about how much I would be defined as a wife and how badly that would make me feel.

Nicole’s newsletter made me think about Meghan in that light, leading to an increase in empathy and understanding from me. Women often make life choices based on their husband or partner’s needs. It is not that the reverse never happens, but it is not that frequent.

When I was looking for academic positions, my husband always said he would move with me. The further I got in my job search, the more I thought that wouldn’t really work. By the end of my time trying to get an academic position, I not only had a husband, but I also had two children. I didn’t think that he could handle not having a job while I had one. Eventually I gave up, went back to school, and became a nurse.

Maybe Meghan loves Harry, knew his family and position were important to him, so she made her choice with that in mind. I am glad she is now in a position where her needs can also be met.